Sarita

My first month on the race is done, what a weird thing that I now only have 10 months and 10 countries to go to. My time in Costa Rica has been such a sweet (and sometimes chaotic) step into life as a missionary. We were busy on the farm, we met incredible people, my team is seriously the best. There’s so many things I could talk about, but I want to share a bit about my heart this month and what I’ve been learning. I want to be vulnerable because I firmly believe testimony is one of the most powerful tools in building the kingdom, and I want to push anyone reading my blog to step into new kinds of communion with Jesus. 

I think if I could sum up my month in one word it would be Sarita. This is what my host called me all month – it’s my name (just Sarah) with a little -ita thrown onto the end. In Costa Rica they sometimes add it to names or words kinda as a form of endearment. All day everyday my host and everyone he introduced me to spoke this endearment over me. I really loved my host and it was sweet to have this mark of our relationship from him, but even more than that it was so kind of the Lord to physically change my name this month. With this name change He showed me how sweetly He cherishes me and gave me a little glimpse into the way He views me. 

Before my month in Costa Rica even started I began practicing going to Jesus in the quiet place of my heart. This was a way to practice using my imagination with Jesus and a way to withdraw from life around me and learn from Him. When I first began this practice I was sitting at the edge of a garden with Jesus, and each day for almost two weeks I would just sit there beside Him. It was sweet, it was frustrating. I wanted to see Him more clearly, I wanted to ask questions and get tangible answers, I wanted to move around the garden and learn. But we sat still. In those two weeks of sitting still Jesus brought up a lot of things that showed me I didn’t know how to just be in a relationship with Him because I didn’t trust Him. I knew Jesus as my savior, and I had a deep relationship with my Father God, but I didn’t trust that Jesus actually wanted to be my friend or to love me.

One day on a rainy night drive back from an adventure day I was listening to music in the back of the car and went back to that place on the edge of the garden. I brought Him all the past decisions and wounds that I was holding onto and wept at His feet. It broke my heart to see how I had placed distance between us, and as I cried and repented He sunk down to sit beside me. He held me as I cried, and He cried with me. I thought I was going to be sitting in that sadness for a while – but the very next day Jesus stood up, took my hand, and began walking me through the garden. In the weeks since then He has shown me what His love truly looks like. He’s shown me waterfalls, mountaintops, orange groves, dark parts of the garden He plans to bring light to, plots of land He’s been weeding, and my favorite of all – beautiful water lilies growing in the river. Learning to go to Him and ask questions or just sit still during both the quiet and busy parts of my day has been so sweet and has pushed me this month. He’s affirmed His heart for me, challenged my unbelief, and taught me more of how I’m to grow into my unique place in the kingdom. 

“But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. He will be like a tree planted by the waters that send out its roots to the stream. It does not fear when heat comes, its leaves are always free. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.”

Jeremiah 17:7-8

This is a verse I memorized and prayed over a lot last year. I wanted (and still want!) to become this kind of tree. To be firmly planted beside the living water that flows from the throne and to always live out of that abundance. It’s sweet to see how God is beginning to show me how to become more like this tree and calling me into more fullness of life. This month was a good one for a lot of reasons. I’m really excited to step into month two and see how He continues to grow me!!